I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
