Don't make out with my wife yet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
