Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
