Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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