I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
