Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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