i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
