Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
