I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
