fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
