Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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