I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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