I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
