Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
