I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
