So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
