i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
