sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Bring me that man meat
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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