I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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