that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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