im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
