so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
