I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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