Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
