She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
