True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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