a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
