my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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