Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
