did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
