he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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