so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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