my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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