I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
