a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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