You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
