Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This house was built for laser tag.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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