Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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