She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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