Small penises have feelings too.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
