Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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