dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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