Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
