He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
