Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
