We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
