her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
