How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize