I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
