Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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