Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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