he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
