I wish I could teleport
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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