I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
