He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
