I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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