I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
