He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
