Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
