i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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