Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
