Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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