he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
