she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
