Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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