Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
