you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
